Walls

"My reality is clearly defined by the fences put up around my mind.  I saw them thicken into walls over time.  Higher than any border line... And I asked when is the revolution?"  These are lyrics from a Brent Dennon song called I Asked When.  I've been thinking about the different aspects of walls over the last week and what to do with them.  Not literal walls but the metaphorical ones in out lives.  I guess I'd have to say in simplicity that some are good and some are bad.  Some need to stay in place and others torn down.  Another simple aspect of walls is that they're there for protection or defense.  They are usually there to keep something out more than to keep something in.  That leaves me in a quandary that just wont satisfy my pondering so I go deeper.

My first question would be why is that wall there or what caused me or someone else to feel the need to build the thing in the first place?  I find that most walls are built after a deep wound and are there to keep whatever or whoever caused the wound from ever being able to get close enough to hurt us again.  Before I go further let me be clear that in this place I'm not talking about boundaries that are good and healthy.  I'm talking about the ones that come from something like a divorce, or abandonment, or some type of abuse, be it verbal or physical.  Those are the walls that I'm looking at right now.  I just came back from a weekend that was all about the tearing down of those kind of walls and have spent the better part of the last five years of my life tearing down the walls in my life.  I am awestruck at the amount of walls that I've encountered over the years that were instigated from one Christian to another.  Aren't we the ones that are supposed to be the living breathing examples of God's love to one another?  Wasn't that one of the commandments... wasn't that the one that Jesus said that all the commandments hung on?  What in Hell's honor are we doing to one another?  Can we continue this trend and ever be the shining city on a hill that Father hoped we'd be?  As I begin to consider the walls of wounding then I can't just stop there and say shame on us for building the walls... I have to plunge ahead to dig into the cause of so many walls in the lives of the people I love and know.  How many of those walls have I caused to be built?  I have to begin with personal responsibility or I'll never be able to see those walls come down.  That is the goal right?  To see the walls come down and relationships healed and restored.  That's what it always been about to God.  He wants a healed wall free kingdom where we dwell in peace with one another because we are all considering others more highly than ourselves.  Utopia isn't what I'm talking about where all things are perfect because the only thing recorded in the Bible as impossible is for us to live in relationships without causing offenses. It just can't happen.  Our problem is that when we do or are offended we seldom ever deal with it so it becomes the first brick in the wall being built between that person and ourself.  Then another offense comes so we add another brick and so on until that relationship is walled off.  I know that seems to keep the pain away but more than that is begins to isolate us from the vital relationships God has for us.

One thing that has greatly helped me in the tearing down of my walls is that of Identifying my core fears.  These are deep seated and very real.  Most of my walls have been built around the fear of being invalidated. I know others who's walls are around failure or abandonment...etc. Dr. Gary Smalley has put out a great book called The DNA Of Relationships where he talks about a whole list of core fears and how to deal with them.  The simple process of this happens when someone makes me feel invalid... like I don't even matter.  When I feel that way I usually lash out in anger, which is always a secondary emotion and predominately secondary to fear, at the other person which how I don't know but usually hits their core fear dead center and they react back at me in kind.  So we go round and round getting more and more wounded by one another with the outcome being a wall.  That's where personal responsibility has to come in... someone has to break that cycle.  Sadly this seldom ever happens and a relationship is torn apart.  I have watched this scenario play out many times in my life and in the lives of those around me.  Again... what in Hell's honor are we doing to each other?  Will we ever grow up enough to break the cycle?  God help us!!!!

How many walls are in my life?  What about in your life?  I've made a decision that I'm going to tear them down in my life so that I can be a more healed, whole person that lives in deep covenant relationship with others.  I need the gifts, experiences, encouragement, and wisdom they have in their possession and whether they know it or not they need mine.  It's the way God made us... It's the way He meant it to be.  How do I know?  Genesis 2:18: The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone... That's pretty clear.  Not a lot of room for argument.  We are not made to be alone yet know more than any other time in history, even though we have the most communicative technology ever, people say they feel absolutely alone.  Why?  Fear of being hurt!  Though I have my heart crushed again and again... I will yet rise up to love again and again.  The joy of relationship far outweighs the pain caused by them.  We have a saying, "NO PAIN, NO GAIN".  Nothing more true could be said of being in relationship.  So, what will you do with your walls?  begin to tear them down, leave them alone, build them higher?  The choice is ours and ours alone to make.