I've been thinking about judgment the last few days. I was reading through the posts on FB and came across one that brought me back to a determination I’d come to several years ago that is a part of everything we do. The thought is simple… “Judgment Sucks!” The statement itself reveals the absolute seemingly unavoidable cycle of it all because to make the statement is in itself a judgment and the cycle is repeated again and again. I’m going to share several thoughts on this dilemma and see where I end up.
The first thought that has made itself more and more clear to me over the years it that I am simply not equipped to judge. For a judgment to be fair it has to be based solely on truth. That’s where the problem begins… I at all times only have a limited understanding of truth. I can’t see the whole picture from where I am. So from that viewpoint all my judgment is off to begin with. To compound the dilemma I usually find that we don’t even consider the amount of truth we do have in making a judgment. The majority of our judgments are grounded and released from our feelings of the situation we are judging. What I mean is that if I like something or it makes me feel good then I predominantly will judge it as good or right, but if I don’t like it or it makes me feel bad it’s bad or wrong. The post that brought this thought back around was on smoking outside a café. In AR there is no smoking in public establishments… but outside its usually fair game. A person was sitting outside wanting to enjoy the fresh air and someone else was sitting outside to enjoy a smoke… So who’s right and who’s wrong? The responses that were posted fell in the feeling category. They were all based on the likes of dislikes of the person making the post. I know there are probably a lot of experiences, memories…etc that drive those feelings or emotions but the bottom line is the judgment flowed from that stream. Some hate smoking because of the suffering of a loved one due to lung cancer while others have the experience that it gives them a headache… those are examples of what I mean.
So why would I say or “judge” this as a dilemma? I’ll tell ya… When I really dig in and get to the point of being honest with myself then I end up at this place… When I make a judgment like this I am shirking my personal responsibility in the situation. What I’m really perturbed about is that my comfort is being inhibited by the actions of another and “I’m” really upset that “they” won’t change “their” behavior to ensure “my” comfort. You see I really like feeling good and being comfortable but I also don’t like having to do the work to maintain that comfort because that doesn’t feel good and I have to endure being uncomfortable for a time to reestablish my comfort. Now that we’re getting into the pattern this brings as a dilemma… which sadly when I type this out becomes a judgment. Oh the condition of we humans! It’s easier and more comfortable for others to make a change than it is for me. In the post that started this rolling through my mind, the question that begs to be asked is, “If you didn’t like the smoke then why not move somewhere else?” That would be in fact taking personal responsibility in the situation… even if I was there first. I’m the one with the dislike… not the person smoking. Because he or she has in fact taken some level of personal responsibility in this matter in that he or she really wanted to smoke and couldn’t do it inside so they endured the discomfort in order to obtain a level of comfort. That’s a question that usually ushers in the emotion of anger thus revealing another side to this whole process. When I am angered then I have made it impossible to make a balanced judgment because I’ve lost my balance. It also points out a human tendency we often like to dismiss about ourselves. We are selfish! Now that sucks, right… can’t we butter this up where it doesn’t make us look so bad or immature? We could but that would bring the circle back around to where we are shirking personal responsibility. None of us like to be judged and in general don’t really like this whole circle when we’re confronted with it but usually will not take our part of the responsibility to stop it. I could go on and on with the different examples and one would surely apply to us all on numerous occasions but the fact of the matter is I’m getting tired of typing and your probably thinking I need to be doing something else so I’ll bring this to a close and leave the rest for you to ponder through.
There is a statement made in a book that I really love that reminds me that I should consider others more highly than I consider myself. Think of the revolution that would occur with the adoption of this concept into our lives and situations. This is personal responsibility on steroids, but brings a joy to life that few ever find. My hope and goal for myself is to let people be themselves. To stop trying to bend them into the person I think they should be or manipulating them to act like I think they should act and learn to appreciate and enjoy them for the amazing person they are. If I don’t like what I see, the change is mine to make because I am responsible for me and that’s it!
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