Will This Drought Ever End

     "Will this summer ever end?"  I've asked that question more times than I care to admit over the last past months.  In the natural this was a summer of extremely hot temps and no rain to speak of.  On the mountain where I work we saw several weeks of temps in triple digits.  It was no fun being outside and even the earth groaned under the pressure.  Three of the six ponds dried up and there is enough grass in the bottom of them to cut as hay.  Simply put it was miserable!!!!  Spiritually my life mirrored what was happening in the natural!  To put it frankly... It sucked!!!!  I was miserable and I complained a lot.  I struggled with emotions that had never ever confronted me and I wrestled with some that I hadn't seen for many years.  I felt like the trees and grass on the mountain... that I was in a fight for my very life.  Like the trees, all the extra stuff began to fall off.  Every ministry effort I was involved in dried up and there was no joy in them any longer.  I was frustrated with my relationships at home and even with God.  I really just wanted to disappear and not ever come back.  This of course wasn't the answer God had for me.  I don't believe that's the answer He has for any of us when life seems to come unraveled.
     I've learned a lot through this season of my life that I hope I never forget... I don't want to go around this mountain again!!!  One lesson I learned was that of dropping the extras to go deep in order to find a life source in the midst of a drought.  Let me explain.  I watched the trees not only begin to drop their leaves to maintain life in their branches.  I saw them pull back even further when they began to drop limbs and even some of them dropped whole tops.  Its as if they were self-prunning or something to maintain life in their trunks... the core of their being.  I saw the vines in the vineyard drop their grapes and leaves as well.  All the sap, their life blood, pulled back to the rudiments.  Nothing but the trunk and roots showed signs of life.  The grass did the same thing.  All the grass went dormant and turned brown.  It wasn't pretty and there definitely wasn't any fruit, but wait, summer is the season of fruitfulness, right?  What's up with that God?  Desperation!  That's what I began to realize.  I was desperate for the life giving waters just like the earth was.  Desperation is where I end and God begins.  I like to be fruitful and enjoy the harvest.  It makes me feel good about what I'm doing for God...Right?  A deeper realization begins to sink in... what if my fruit is just that...My Fruit and not His?  Ouch!  God seems to be okay with allowing false fruit to wither and die so that the true fruit can be produced again.  Isn't that what we see with the churches in the book of Revelation?  Then another realization washes through my understanding... My fruit is the harvest of previous sowing in my life.  Ouch again... God could You please relent a little?  So now here I am with all the extra cut off and laying in piles around me.  Let me be clear here.  The things I was involved in weren't bad or even wrong... my heart was where the bad fruit began to be produced... My enemy had sown bad seeds in the night and they took root to produce fruits of dead religion and fleshly desire. 
     Now that all the bad seems to be cut away the new season can begin.  I don't say that pridefully, just that God hasn't revealed anything else that needs to be cut away at this time.  He's a great surgeon and will only cut away what we can recover from.  Now I'm back to "Be Still and Know That I'm God!"  As my soul and spirit grow still like the trees that pull back their sap to maintain life I can begin to feel the hope and joy returning!  New fruit is already beginning to be produced in my heart.  Promises are being shored up and vision restored!  In my desperation I have found the deep meaning of the verse in Matthew... Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled!
    I know many others who've been in this same season... I hear the Lord saying as He did to Joshua many, many years ago  Be strong and of a good courage! 

Warning: Drought Conditions... Danger Ahead?

 

Guest Writer:  Abby Lewis

Title:  Warning:  Drought Conditions . . . Danger Ahead? 

During my walk the other morning, I saw that most of the yards I passed were dying.  There was no color left in the grass or flowers and the leaves on the trees were beginning to turn.  Yet a few houses down, I saw a yard vibrant and alive, full of color and beauty.  It is obvious why one yard is thriving and why the other one isn’t, right?   We all know the answer to that.  One has been nurtured, fed and watered, causing it to thrive while the other one has not, causing it to dry up and begin to die. 

I love nature and it breaks my heart to see everything dying during this drought, to see the life and color just fade out of God’s beautiful creation.  But there is something that breaks my heart even more….people in a spiritual drought. 

I look around and see exactly what I saw during my walk the other morning.  I see some people thriving, full of joy, peace and love and then I turn around and see others who are stressed, bitter, full of anxiety, depressed, angry and so much more.  I would guess that the ones who are thriving are choosing to spend time with God while the other ones aren’t.  The ones who are full of joy are choosing to feed themselves daily with the word of God while the other ones are listening to their own wisdom.  The ones who are full of peace are choosing to seek the heart of God in the midst of their circumstances while the other ones are relying on themselves to figure it all out. 

It breaks my heart so much to see this because 10 years ago I was there.  I experienced what life was like when a person chooses to live far away from God, when a person chooses to live in a spiritual drought.   I was only twenty-four years old, but I was in complete chaos.  I suffered from extreme anxiety, control issues, depression and numerous addictions.  My marriage was falling apart, as were my relationships with my entire family.  My thoughts and words were filled with negativity and lies, and I had accumulated major credit card debt.  As my problems piled up, they began to manifest physically through severe neck and back pain, as well as numbness in my left arm and left side of my face.  I had no love for myself, no joy, no peace and no happiness. My entire life was in complete and utter chaos.

So how did I come out of all of this?  How did I begin to thrive and be so full of life?  How did I become peaceful and joyful?  How did I get out of the spiritual drought I was in?  It really is very simple.  I chose to spend focused time with God each day, and in the midst of it, I learned the practice of “living still.”

What is living still?  Living still is not adopting a life of inactivity or solitude; rather, it is choosing to live in tune with the voice of God in the midst of the inevitable noise around us.  Living still is recognizing that without God, we cannot experience the fullness of life. It is choosing to trust God more than we trust ourselves. Living still is learning to rest in God’s perfect love for us. It is taking the time to listen to His still, small voice with the expectation that He will lovingly guide us, one step at a time, toward freedom. The practice of living still works. Learning to live this way delivered me from the pit and continues to transform my life each day.  And, I am confident that living still can change your life too.

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Be still and know that I am God.  Psalm 46:10

Abby Lewis has a degree in Health and Wellness and her massage therapy license. She is the author of Living Still and producer of A Breath~in Stillness.  Her life’s work is to passionately encourage others to experience transformation of spirit, mind and body by learning to practice “living still.”  In January of 2006 Abby opened her own business called Healing Naturally. To learn more about Abby visit her website at  www.myjourneytohealing.com

Experiencing The Trip

It's been a while since my last post.  Life is the greatest journey I've ever been on and I am still amazed at the amount of lessons and experiences that come from this adventure.  Every time I go on a backpacking trip I come back with new perspectives and experiences that all go into making me the backpacker and outdoors man that I am.  I have the chance to share the things I've learned on the trips on many occasions.  People ask me about the terrain, where the good places to camp are, what trails are easy for beginners, etc...  The adventure of life isn't much different.  As I prepare for my trips to new places I begin to read others experiences to learn as much as possible about the trail so I can be prepared.  When I get there I begin to drink in all the beauty and cool stuff there is to experience on that trail.  When I finish the trail then I have a story to tell to anyone who asks.  I have never been on a trip that didn't yield something cool that I can't wait to share with others.  It's not that my experience is better or worse than anyone Else's its just mine and in truth becomes an important part of the person I am for I am the sum total of all that I have experienced in this life.  There are other things I know about but have not yet experienced.  Those things aren't part of me yet.  They may be goals or things I would like to experience but I haven't so I can't claim them.  Once they are mine then I can share them with confidence and authority.

I said these trips weren't much different from the journey of life so I've been pondering the parallels.  All my life I grew up hearing that I needed to do something for God.  That I needed to share His message with others.  I spent a lot of my adult life doing just that.  Sometimes I was fulfilled but most times I had an underlying anxiety that accompanied me where ever I was.  As I began to think about all that I have experienced on the trails I was blown away at how much sense it made spiritually as well.  I know a lot of Christians who live unfulfilled lives for Christ feeling the anxiety of being told they need to be doing more for God in this world but feeling helpless to figure out what that looks like.  This is the part of the American Church that turns many off.  I don't blame em... It makes me want to puke!  I have come to abhor the "You need" sermons.  They produce very little fruit in people's lives and last time I checked that doesn't fit with anything that Jesus said it would look like. 

The parallel that rings true in my life is that if I have a lot of knowledge about backpacking but never get on the trail then there is an element missing.  However, when I get on the trail and experience I have a fullness that has changed me.  I never come home the same person as I left...NEVER.  I have another experience.  I am more full than when I left.  It's the difference between talking about filling a bucket with water and getting the hose out and turning on the water.  The other aspect of that bucket is that it's hard to pour an empty bucket out on someone.  When I stopped trying to learn all the things I'm supposed to be doing for God and just took His hand and went with Him my empty bucket filled up fast.  All that we did became mine... not someone Else's but mine.  It changed me!  No longer do I wonder what it would have been like to be one of His disciples and experience all that they did.  I am His and I have and will continue to experience the many trails there are to walk on in this life.  Some are fun and easy and others are a challenge that leave me walking with a limp.  Either way... I'm experiencing the journey!    

My good freind Abby Lewis, author of Blossoming Out Of The Valley, shared this post with me this afternoon.  It touched my heart so I am passing this blessing on to others.  Abby is an amazing woman of God, wife, and mother.  I am truly blessed to call her friend!  Be sure to check out her website listed below for other resources.  Enjoy!

Stop the Fight…Turn and Face Him

“If you knew what I had in store for you, then you would stop fighting me so much.” These words came out of my mouth as I was getting my 1 year old son, Shia, ready to go play outside.
Shia loves to play outside. What kid doesn’t? But sometimes getting him ready to go outside can be somewhat of a challenge. I am sure all mothers can relate. He just wouldn’t sit still for me to get his shirt on or his pants, socks, shoes or jacket. Needless to say, he was fighting me every step of the way and all I wanted to do was bless him by letting him go outside to play. Of course he doesn’t really understand yet when I say, “lets get ready to go outside and play.” If he did, I bet he wouldn’t fight me at all. He would definitely be more cooperative.
So as I said, “if you knew what I had in store for you, then you would stop fighting me so much,” I immediately heard in my spirit, “yes Abby, if my children knew what I had in store for them, they too would stop fighting me so much.”
So why do we resist and fight God every step of the way when all He wants to do is bless us? It is time to let go and let God flow.
You can tell if you are resisting God if you live with fear, worry, depression, anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, jealousy, lust, greed, hopelessness, panic, addictions, control issues, judgment, hatred, loneliness, guilt, shame, frustration, sadness, envy, doubt, boredom, just to name a few.
There is so much in store for you….just waiting for you. I am sure, just like Shia, if you knew what was in store for you, then you wouldn’t fight God so much.
God wants to bless you. All you have to do is stop fighting and just be still and know that He is God. He is waiting, arms open wide, to love you unconditionally, to heal and restore you, to bless you.
Stop the fight….turn and face Him. I promise He is there and the blessings are just waiting. The longer you fight, the longer it is going to take.

Be Love, Give Love~
Abby

Be Love & Give Love
Abby Lewis of Healing Naturally
www.myjourneytohealing.com

Check out my new book Blossoming out of the Valley
www.myjourneytohealing.com/healing-book

Growing Up!?

I am prone to look for the themes or patterns in life and ministry.  That's where most of my blogs start.  One that I've been noticing over the last month is that of hearing God and the seeming lack of it from people that in the past were very acute in doing so.  I know this is a topic that comes with doubt and controversy.  I have been on different sides of this topic in the past but am decidedly on the side of hearing the Rhema of God.  I will clarify and say that I've never heard the audible voice of God, but do with, with confidence, hear Him in my spirit.  If you find yourself reading this with a belief system other than Christian then this may not mean a lot to you. 

I've titled this post as Growing Up because in the pattern I've seen that is exactly what is at the heart of every one's frustration.  Over and over I've heard people say to me that God isn't speaking to them like He used to.  That He has fewer things to say.  That there isn't as much precision in the things He is saying.  Hopefully you get the idea.  So how does growing up enter into this seeming confusion?  As I began to press into this matter for some clarity I began to understand that maturity is a heart desire of God as our Father.  He so desires for His children to grow and mature through relationship with Him.  That's where the rabbit hole took off. 

1 Corinthians 13:11 It's like this: When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.( NLT) As I read this verse what came into focus is that everything in my heart about raising kids is an expression of how God raises us as children.  I am after all made in His image.  There is a direct correlation between the natural things and spiritual truths.  That's why Jesus used parables in His teaching.  As a parent I desire for my children to grow up into mature, responsible adults that can make decisions with wisdom and understanding.  What I don't desire as a parent is to have to tell them exactly what to do in every situation for the rest of their lives.  Remember I got this desire from God as my Father being made in His image.  We could also say its he natural progression of life.  It's just the way God set the whole thing up.

Now we can see the spiritual parallel in our hearing from God.  As we mature He desires for us to come into the Mind of Christ where we just know without having to be told every little detail of what to do or not do.  Christ knew what to do because He watched the Father and learned.  Most of the things I know how to do I've watched and learned and no longer need to be shown how every time I do them.  I just know.  This is a scary place to be at first but the awesome thing is that God has faith in you and I!  He knows we can do all things through Christ!  His seeming silence isn't about Him not speaking, but rather, about you and I growing up.  Just as our relationship grows in the natural it grows in the spiritual too. 

To go just a little deeper let me remind you that the most intimate form of communication has no words.  An example is that of husbands and wives who've been married for a long time.  They just know each other so well than no words are needed to express needs or desires.  They just know! 

1 Corinthians 13:12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now.(NLT)  We see this principle in this verse.  The perfection of our relationship with God will be us knowing God like He knows us.  No words needed... just a deep unfathomable knowing filled with a peace that passes our understanding! 

As I come to a close I hear the Lord saying..." Sons and daughters trust the "Me" in you.  I have put My Spirit in you to guide you into all truth, to help you gain understanding and wisdom, to bring you peace.  Trust the "Me" in you!

 

Be Still! And know...

     I have been asked to guest write a blog on my experiences with being still and knowing God for a friend's website.  After writing a short blog on the subject I decided to do a post on my blog as well.  Hope this meets you where you are!  My journey is as individual as me but also similar to many others as well.  It was a journey filled with joy and frustration, heartache and great blessing.
     As I begin this I feel compelled to express at the beginning there is no formula for this process.  Our society presses on us a formula for everything.  God's kingdom is not of this world and does not operate on the same principles.  This journey is about relationship, and what and how it happens for one person may or may not be the same for another.  This journey is about moving God from your head to your heart where relationships are intimate and go deep instead of wide.  The more intimate and real one's relationship to the Father becomes, the more peace abides and remains.  I know this in retrospect so I hope this will help others at the beginning of their journey instead of the end.  Be Still! "Know" that I "AM" God!
     As I recount the journey I also remember this was a journey that has been "in process" since 2004.  I don't think, at this point, it's one that I'll ever reach the end of.  There was a time in my life when this would have driven me crazy but now is something I embrace and yearn for.  Some stages of this journey go quicker than others and some have deeper impact on my life.  As a whole they are part of the "Great Adventure" God has called me to as Steven Curtis Chapman sang about in the 90's.  I mention this to remind me of this point as much as to be an encouragement to those on this journey for themselves.  The down side of the formula mentality our society enbraces is that we want quick finishes like a sprinter, but this is more like a life long marathon and it began even before I or anyone realized it.  Being a person of purpose I seek this journey out and love the lessons learned along the way.  Others never seem to realize the journey is there and live lives without fulfillment.  There seems to be a whole generation in the Church this applies to.  How tragic!  I encourage everyone to press into this journey, to seek it with purpose, to realize this as an aspect of the Pearl Jesus talks about in the parable.  Be Still!  "Know" that I "AM" God!
     I have pointed out two things to keep in mind as this journey begins.  These are not all-inclusive, just two that are high on my priority list.  "Be Still" is how God chose to start this verse.  This is, for me, the hardest part of the process.  I am a kinetic person.  I am a mover-doer personality.  I've never been known for my being still... EVER!  So when God began to speak to my heart on this verse I was very agitated.  This went against every fiber of my being.  To make matters worse I didn't realize why I needed to be still so that just added to the frustration.  I remember sitting in my man cave brooding over this verse, pondering over it, begging for clarity on it... desperation began to sit in.  This desperation continued for months with no end in sight.  Along this road the "Be"attitude about hungering and thirsting began to make sense that it never had.  It also seemed to be in opposition to being still.  Its not!  "Be Still" "Know" that I "AM" God!
     Be STILL!  What does that mean?  Several things it doesn't to start with.  It doesn't mean "Do nothing" it also doesn't mean you have to sit for hours without moving.  This refers to something internal more than external.  There are two realms of consciousness to be noted.  The natural realm that we live in where we can see and touch with our eyes and hands.  The other, the spirit realm where God exists.  The unique thing about humans is that we are the only natural creation of God that can go between the two and exist in both at the same time.  Was that a record I just heard scratch?  There are more verses that teach this than room allows for.  Stillness is an inward place.  It does help to be still in the natural while learning this process.  As the process is mastered it's more a place to abide inwardly no matter what goes on around you.  God is Spirit so to truly have intimacy with Him its essential to learn this.  That's the reason is comes across as a command rather than a suggestion.  This is where it becomes hard to describe.  I lack the words to be able to articulate the "how" part.  I believe that's because this isn't a formula more than just my ignorance.  I may be mistaken but I don't think so ;0).  Its kind of like falling in love... you really don't know how it happened but know that it did.  Jesus said seek and you will find.  If you seek stillness you will find it but don't be surprised if its realization sneaks up on you before you figure it out with your head.  "Be Still" "Know" that I "AM" God!
     "Know" that I "AM" God!  Knowing refers to experience here not just something you were told or read about.  I pastored for 10 years with this truth alluding me.  I approached God with my head and not my heart.  This led me to legalism and emptiness.  I could quote scripture, preach sermons, the whole gamut but lacked the deep abiding relationship that produced fruit in my life.  As I caught the stillness I began to experience God on ever deepening levels.  Life began to be fruitful and filled with the Joy and Peace of the Lord!  Experiencing God is a journey too!  His depths are unending and always just far enough out of reach to keep us hungry.  Just when you think He can't be anymore satisfying His fragrance wafts in with a new aroma that entices us to seek again and taste and see that He is good!  "Be Still" "Know" that I "AM" God!
    Enjoy your journey!  It truly is the great adventure!

Living As Foreigners

There is a statement in 1 Peter 1:1 that has been rocking my world for the last 2 weeks.  It's something that I've read more times than I can count but it hit me really deeply early one morning and I've been trying to unpack all the implications of it every since.  Peter says, "I am writing to God's chosen people who are living as foreigners..."  As I've been pondering this its had a deep impact on me.  On a simple note its because the last three years of my life I've been in a wilderness experience where I wasn't involved in vocational ministry, wasn't very outgoing in the pursuits of relationships, wasn't doing a lot of things I had done for fifteen years of ministry.  What  I was doing was learning... a lot!  Mostly about myself and how I related to God, when I related to God, and why I related to God.  I learned about who I was and who I wasn't, how I was being myself and how I wasn't, when I was and when I wasn't being myself, and why I was or wasn't being myself.  To sum it up... I learned a lot about being instead of doing.  This left me in a really good place, but it is a place that I've never been before so there is still more to learn.  I love it!  One aspect of living like a foreigner that has began to work into my understanding is how I relate to the people I've known and loved for many years.  Being back in Conway has given me the great opportunity to be around my long time friends.  Its different though because I'm not the same as I was when I left... and they're not either.  Some of those relationships are continuing to grow and become a thriving, fruitful one and some withered and are no more.  The ones that are remaining are undergoing some changes though.  That's what gives them the foreign concept.  In my travels I've come to understand the sense of the unfamiliar and that same sense is what is redefining my relationships now.  Its not a bad thing... in fact its really good and healthy.  It brings a richness and depth that will produce an amazing fruit in the seasons to come.  This brings great joy to my spirit! 

Another aspect of living as a foreigner in this place is that I see my surroundings with different vision than I did when living here before.  What I mean is this... Two people walk into a house.  One is a builder and the other is not.  The vision they have of the same place is different based on their different levels of understanding.  What I understood then and what I understand now gives me a different vision of this place and that is what makes it foreign to me.  There are many aspects of it that aren't but there are some none the less. 

Continuing on this learning curve I am faced with many new opportunities and relationships that have to be discerned, tried on for fit, and eventually embraced or put back on the shelf for another time and season.  For clarity let me say that none of this is about who's right or wrong, good or bad.  Its simply about where God has each of us in the body.  It's like the water in the Arkansas River... the water in Conway isn't the same water that's in Little Rock but its still the same body of water.  Or to come at it from a more biblical approach its the difference between being an arm and an eye. 

I could go on and on with different example like these, but I really have the sense that I need to go deeper into what God's saying to me in this seemingly simple statement.  To live as a foreigner is to live without rights, privileges, ownership, and most importantly citizenship.  When in a foreign place I can't vote or have a say in matters of state.  I have no rights that citizens of that country do and as such miss out on many privileges enjoyed by citizens.  I have to live as a guest and that leaves me feeling left out.  Not a good feeling to be sure!  We are born with a deep desire to belong.  Its programed into our DNA and we can't escape it.  We don't want to be a foreigner and will go to great links, even compromise to be rid of that feeling.

We understand these principles in the natural realm we live in, but Paul is very clear that there is a direct correlation of the natural and spiritual realms.  If we are to make any lasting progress, have any lasting fruit in God's Kingdom we have to move from the natural to the spiritual.  Paul passionately urges us to live in the spirit.  Why?  Because there we aren't foreigners.  I know there are many different veins to mine on this principle but the one God has me mining on now is this citizenship vein.  For clarity... when you mine for silver it runs through the earth in what is called veins.  When you find it you keep following it until you come to its end then you start on another one.  Back to the spiritual side.  When I surrendered my life to Christ I became a citizen of Heaven and not only that I became an heir to the inheritance of God.  He became my Father and I became His son.  What I have to continually walk in is that I don't have to wait until I get to heaven to access this inheritance!  I, through the Spirit, have access now!  Was that a record I just heard scratch?  Ephesians is filled with this truth!  It says that this inheritance is in the saints!  1 John says that as Jesus is so are we in the world.  I'm not putting the verse references in on purpose.  If what I'm talking about is for you then you'll start mining for it on your own.  I know there is a part of this inheritance that is reserved for us in heaven but there is much of it for now!  Jesus also makes mention that we will do greater works than he did when the Spirit comes.  So how does this relate to the foreigner verse?  Well I'm glad I asked that question for you. LOL!  When I began to weigh my life in the balance with the truth of this verse then I am baffled by all the inheritance I'm not taking part in.  I am just as baffled at the Church's lack of partaking in that inheritance as well.  I am constantly hearing from believes how defeated of a life they are living.  As God began pinging my radar with this verse I too began to understand how timidly I have been walking.  Can I just vent here for a second... That pisses me off!  Okay... I'm done.  Not at anyone but me. I am the only one responsible for my walk. I will admit this condition is encouraged by not so accurate teaching on this subject. We are taught that heaven is where we're going when we die instead of it being our home the moment we surrender to Christ. This belief subtly translates into the thought process of enduring until we die and go to be with Jesus instead of I have victory and citizenship in Christ and I don't have to just endure this pounding from the devil. No! I am a living manifestation of God who exists to know God and express God and His kingdom!  I have access to the arsenal of heaven and I will not bow my knee to the devil or live as a defeated, beat down soul.  I don't have to live like a foreigner because I'm not!  I am a son of the Most High and a citizen of heaven now and forever more!

As I go deeper then I have to identify why I have been living life as a foreigner.  This isn't something that's much fun to do because it usually deals with things that are weaknesses instead of strengths.  The thing that is strange about that is that it is our weaknesses that allow Christ to be made perfect in our lives and not our strengths so why do we push so hard to have it all together and be strong?  This is an answer that has to be on an individual level.  My answer will look different than yours.  It may be from some bad teaching, or some bad believing.  It could have something to do with pride, either on the boastful side or the false humility side.  They both are a form of pride!  There could be numerous other reasons and I encourage believers to identify them because they are the places that give the devil the footholds in their lives. So why I have I been living as foreigner?  For me some of it has to do with not wanting to be back in the religious system.  I don't like the aspect of being back in the political side of church life.  That's not an arena that I flourish in.  I don't like it because it feels wrong to me.  Let me be clear... I am not saying this is wrong in general.  Someone has to be involved in the daily administration of church life.  I am saying that "I" don't flourish there!  I know others who don't flourish where I am so I encourage them to be where they are the most fulfilled and see the most fruit.  Another aspect of this that I allow to be a hindrance is the southern mold that comes with church life.  In the bible belt little time is spent encouraging people to be who God made them to be and a lot of time is spent trying to make everyone a cookie cutter image of whatever view of God is prevalent in a specific congregation.  To boil these down I'd have to be honest and say there is some fear involved in being myself here.  The other side of that coin is having to deal with the slander of being someone different than I was when I was in this area before.  People don't like change.  It makes them nervous because it takes their illusion of control and messes it all up.  This is that cookie cutter mold deal.  Because I believe things differently than when I left I have new labels.  Not that I care much but dealing with it does get old and tends to wear on a person.  I would like to just avoid that whole thing but to do that would be to avoid what God has called me back here to do. 

I could go on with other excuses but I hope I have been transparent enough to stir and provoke some soul searching to examine what it is that encourages this foreigner lifestyle in believers lives.  I don't want to live like a foreigner anymore.  I want to be the best me I can be and I want to accomplish what is mine in the kingdom to do.  I want to walk with joy!  I want to spend life investing in deep relationships that will sharpen me and provoke me to all the love and good works God has put in me.  In short... I want to bask in the awesome glory of being a son!